Reflecting back..............

One year ago today was Father's Day. I was VERY, VERY, VERY pregnant & it was hot. I remember sitting at my Aunt Sheryl's house thinking, I'm going to have a baby soon, really soon. And I was scared, more scared than I've ever been hands down. That night we went to my grandparents on the Sparks side. We had a nice cookout & watched a family video Jessica made. I sat by grandpa & SOBBED through the whole thing. A short time after grandma told me I didn't look right. I told her I was fine, she told me she didn't think so & busted out the blood pressure cuff. After high readings from EVERY nurse in the family including myself I decided I better call the midwife. Beings I was 39 weeks pregnant I had to go in. Michael & I left my grandparents & went straight to the hospital. Pretty sure I was PANICKED by this point. We went to OB triage & they put me on the monitor. My pressure never did come down. Kim Wiseman stripped my membranes & right then & there I decided I "wasn't going through this." Not sure how I thought I was going to avoid it, but I simply wasn't going to have labor. I started contracting & then stopped, started again & then stopped. The cycle continued & Kim Wiseman decided to send me home at 3am. I was to collect a 12 hour urine to see if I had pre-eclampsia. We went home & Michael drifted to sleep for a few hours before going into work. I sat up & worried & worried & obsessed & obsessed. I was SO overwhelmed with emotions, I was so excited to meet & hold my little boy, yet SOOOOOO scared something was going to happen that was beyond my control. I could BAWL thinking about it. Stay tuned for my memories of June 16, 2008 tomorrow. Honestly feels like yesterday.................